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First you have to look at the total value of the estate.  Estate tax is imposed on estates with a total value over $675,000.  You look at all of the assets in the estate and then deduct certain costs and expenses like funeral costs, attorney's fees, etc.  If the total amount remaining after the deductions is over $675,000 then you will pay tax.  If you become a joint owner of the house, then when you sell it you will pay capital gains tax on the difference between the sales price and the price your mother bought the house for in the 1980.  Balancing those two taxes out, I would say leave the house in mom's name and pay the estate tax - its less than you will pay in capital gains.  You will not pay inheritance taxes because you are Class A beneficiaries as children of the decedent.  

i'm sorry this has happened to you.  You can file a complaint in the court of the county in which the will was probated.  Ask to have the executor removed, and claim breach of fiduciary duty.  you may be able to track down the funds that were stolen, or put liens against things that were purchased with the funds.  If the executor was required to post a post, you can file a claim against the bonding company.

You can exclude your future husband from your estate by doing a combination of a prenuptial agreement and a marital share waiver.  In the State of New Jersey you cannot disinherit your spouse, so if you just leave him out the will, he can claim his marital share which is one third of the augmented estate.  He cannot make that claim, however, if he has signed a waiver of that share. You can also use a prenuptial to agree that neither of you will take from the other's estate.  What you will need is his agreement or consent, and you will need to have that in writing to protect your children in the future.