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Yes, you can file an emergency motion for continuance at any time, including three days before your trial begins.  You will need to describe in detail the emergency and support the factual allegations with an affidavit or declaration.The fault issues and domestic violence issues should be raised in your pleadings and do not need to be raised in the motion unless they are germane to the emergency requiring a continuance.  To be clear, only learning recently that you have grounds for a fault-based divorce based on past conduct you witnessed or experienced does not constitute an emergency.  Past domestic violence that you experienced or witnessed, similarly, does not constitute an emergency.An example of a good ground to support an emergency motion for continuance might be that you have recently been hospitalized and do not expect to be released from the hospital before your trial is scheduled to begin.  If you have been hospitalized because of a recent domestic violence incident, then that incident would be germane to the emergency.

It is not against the law. Our jails couldn't hold everyone if it were. It probably constitutes irreconcilable differences for which a person can get a divorce.

Social security cannot be divided. Your best bet is to get your own job. I suppose you could file for divorce and ask for a split of the property and the 401k. That may help.